The Black Hole

Many of you have heard of the black hole that is my basement. It started as a storage place for my inventory of books and merchandise, trade show booth, and household items such as Christmas ornaments, but over the years developed into a bottomless pit of “stuff.” Need a table top ironing board? How about a music stand? I have several of those. A tricycle? Yep. Old tire? Check. Cardboard shield, dagger, and tiara, complete with sequins? Of course. Macramé plant holder, cloth calendar from 1974, rotary dial phone, various lengths of 2” metal pipe, three bridles broken beyond repair, a roll of black burlap, fourteen hammers . . . the list goes on, and on.

 

This year I am taking the idea of “spring cleaning” to another level. In addition to opening the windows, letting in the fresh air and shaking out the rugs (something I actually do not have any of) I am tackling the black hole. The only things that get to stay are those that are useful, decorative, or have sentimental value. I know it will be a process, but focusing just fifteen minutes a day has already made a huge improvement. I sort into four piles: give to friends, Goodwill, trash, and keep.

While hopefully not as large, most people have their own version of a black hole. It might be the back of a closet, the corner of a tack room, or an entire storage shed, but you’ve been putting off tackling the mess for months––or even years. I know that if I can get through my black hole, you can, too. So go ahead, budget fifteen minutes and see how far you get,. In addition, be prepared to be amazed at the things you find and how much you can accomplish.

Risk

My new memoir, Horseback, is now out in paperback and kindle versions. The book details my early years with horses, roughly the years when I was thirteen to twenty-three (or so). Over the years I had told many of the stories that are now in the book and with much hesitation finally decided to group them together in writing. Horseback is the result.

My hesitation came from the fact that my early years with horses were filled with stupid mistakes on my part. In many cases it was like the blind leading the blind as neither the horse or I knew what we were supposed to do. I was afraid that readers would not take my openness about my lack of ability in the positive way I wanted––for I very much hoped that readers would learn as much from my errors as I did. And, maybe enjoy a laugh or two along the way.

That's the thing about risk. It is always a gamble, if a calculated one. If I did the book, readers could possibly look at me and rightly think "Does she even have a brain?" Or, they might think "You know, I thought about trying that once . . .  glad I didn't." 

Hmmm. What to do? With the idea of nothing ventured nothing gained, I wrote the book. To my delight, the response has been overwhelmingly positive. And the thing readers are most positive about? The fact that I was willing to share my mistakes with them. Horseback forced me to step outside of my comfort zone and you know what? It's not a bad place to be. I hope that you, too, will add a little risk to your life in the coming months and do something (safe) that pushes your boundaries a bit. Then, I hope you will let me know how it goes.

Until next time,

Lisa

Helmet Perspectives

When I was young, my friends and I  rode our horses through fields and trails just about every day. We'd take our horses swimming, jump fences, play cowboys and Indians, and make a valiant effort to play polo. Not once, not at any time, did any of us ever wear a helmet. Not when we sat backwards on our horses, bareback, to read our homework assignments when our horses were grazing freely in the pasture. Not when we tried (without success) to slide off our horse's back and under their bellies, then scramble onto their back from the other side––all without touching the ground. And certainly not when we raced up the red gravel hill of County Line Road, three or four abreast across both lanes. I remember one day when a friend and I not only practiced standing on the bare backs of our horses while they were moving, we decided to go tandem, two horses with two helmet-less people, our left feet on one horse and right on the other. It didn't seem to matter that one horse was 14.1 and the other 16 hands.

Today, I am horrified and can't imagine even doing most of those things. I certainly do not recommend them now, even though we had a lot of fun and I can't recall that anyone, horse or human got hurt. The potential for disaster, though, was extremely high. All I can say is that we must have worked our guardian angels way past overtime.

The other day I was in my barn getting ready to ride my mare. Tessie is an unflappable Belgian/Quarter Horse cross and I'd feel completely comfortable with a six-year-old riding her. When I ride her, we typically walk/trot around the arena in school horse fashion and work on leg yields and bending. As a former driving horse, these are major gaps in Tessie's education.

 Just as I was putting my sunglasses on I realized I couldn't find my helmet. Oh, well, I thought, I'll ride just this once without it. Tessie is perfectly safe. But Tessie and I got half-way to the arena when I stopped. I couldn't do it. I knew I couldn't get on this, arguably one of the safest horses in the world, without a helmet. So, we trudged back to the barn and I pulled out a helmet that was several years old. It was heavier than my new helmet, not as comfortable, not as attractive, but I could not get on my horse, any horse, without it.

I've been riding for forty-nine years and have trained horses professionally for most of my adult life. The difference between now, and the child rider that I was, is perspective. Over the years, I have seen many falls when the helmet saved the rider. I have seen so many unforeseen, freak accidents that I know that anything can happen at any time. As safe as Tessie is, as experienced as I am, I know the next accident could be a simple stumble away. That's why you will never see me ride without the protection of a helmet, because I value life, my life, too much.

Fan Mail and Email

I am starting to get a lot of fan mail and I have discovered that it might not be what you think. Here are a few samples from the last few months. Enjoy!

Dear Lisa,
Just because you have 746 “friends” on Facebook and I don’t does not mean you are a good writer. Thought you should know that.

Dear Reader: Gee, thanks for the heads-up.


Dear Lisa,
You are such a great writer but, can you write sadder books? Just go with anything from your sad place. My husband left me and I don’t want to read any books that are fun or funny. Well, he wasn’t really my husband. He was a Louie, but he still left me.

Dear Reader: Um . . . have you tried counseling?


Dear Cat,
The exact same thing happened to me that happened to you! OMG! How did you no that? How did you know enough about ME to live MY life? Only it wasn’t my neighbor that got kilt and my friends didn’t help me. And I don’t live in Tennessee. I also don't I drive a truck. So you got a lot of it VERY wrong!!!  I didn’t even know the person who was murdered. I just red about it in the paper.

Dear Reader: You do understand that Cat is a fictional character? You should also know that fictional characters often don’t respond when you write to them.


Dear Laura,
I love your books. I love that you are such a fabulous writer. I love that you trail ride to the beach, and I love the photo of you riding a palomino on your back cover. And I especially love your book that had the barn fire in it.

Dear Reader: I love the fact that you meant to write to Laura Crum but sent it to me instead. Thanks!


Dear Lisa,
Please send me a signed copy of your book. But don’t sign it to me. Sign it to my wife. Her birthday is next week. If you send me the book then I don’t have to shell out any dough for a gift.

Dear Reader: Here’s a hint: Amazon.com.


Dear Lisa,
I can’t remember why I wanted to write to you so forget I even sent this email to you. Yeah, just forget it.  

Dear Reader: Oh yeah. Forgotten. Totally forgotten.

Change

As most of you know, my son Colby, age 23, passed away unexpectedly. He was my only child, my only close family member. Those following my blogs about Colby will now find them at colbykeegan.blogspot.com. I moved those blogs and accompanying comments for many reasons but mostly because I felt Colby deserved his own space. This space will still be for those looking for positive information, thoughts, leadership, success and horses. It will be good for me separate the two, and I will still blog daily about my struggles to regain my footing after Colby's death. Your comments and thoughts help so much, and I hope you will continue reading in the new location. I am a long way from being whole.

I am also working on a website, www.ColbyKeegan.info, that will be up (hopefully) in the next few days. This site will give more info on Colby, and also offer a forum for those who knew Colby to write stories about their times with him so all can share, read and heal. Plus, friends and I are starting a foundation called Colby's Army, Inc. that will finish work Colby could not complete here on Earth. I hope you'll check it out. We will grow slowly, but together, on Colby's behalf, we can affect positive change for the world.

The Kindness of Strangers

The kindness of strangers is amazing. A few weeks ago I locked my keys in my Ford pick-up at a gas station. This wasn't so bad except it was 95 degrees and my little dog, Abby, was inside. Abby is a Jack WaWa, a Jack Russell / Chihuahua mix, and weighs, on a good day, about ten pounds. She has many talents, but opening locked truck doors is not one of them. After calling several locksmiths who couldn't get to me for an hour or more I determined that there were at least ten other people in the area in the same situation. So, I decided to take more drastic measures.

I tried to force the back window open with no luck. Of course, a frantic woman scrambling around in the back of a pickup at a busy gas station draws attention, and several men wandered over. Two were truckers. One provided a coat hanger and the other moral support. Abby did her part by wagging her tail and barking, but I could also see that she was panting heavily and looked as worried as a Jack WaWa can possibly look.

After five minutes of unsuccessful coat-hanger wrangling I could see that the heat was getting to Abby. I had to get her out of there now! I had sent the truckers off in search of a hammer or a large rock so I could break a window when an old white Lincoln Continental pulled up in the bay next to me. An elderly gentleman eased himself out of the car and wandered over. After asking what the trouble was he calmly said he'd had the same thing happen to him a while back. Then he went back to his Lincoln, pulled his key out of the ignition and stuck it in the keyhole in my truck door.

I held my breath. He turned his wrist. Abby peered intently through the truck window. The truckers put their arms around my shoulders. . . . The lock clicked, the door opened and Abby fell into my arms.

Of course, I try to use every experience as a learning situation. So I now have a spare key hidden somewhere underneath the truck, and my back window will never be locked again. Does this leave me open to theft, both of the truck and its contents? Maybe. But I feel much safer knowing that I can get into my truck anytime day or night, anywhere, anyplace, whether my keys are in my ignition or in my hand. And I will never forget the kindness of strangers. Hopefully I will have th opportunity one day to help someone in similar circumstances.

Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day! When I was a child Memorial Day was a big event. Growing up in a small town, there was always a Memorial Day parade followed by a community picnic in the park, and it was a wonderful time for the younger generation to hear stories about those who came before them.

As I got older, I either rode or drove my white Appaloosa mare, Snoqualmie, in the parade and we always had a great time. She seemed to think the people who were lined up on the sides of the street were there just to see her and she had a great time prancing slowly and respectfully for all her admirers.

Today, this day of national celebration seems either to be an excuse to not go to work, or, for some, another routine workday. I wonder how many people today know that memorial days began in ancient Greece more than 2,500 years ago when graves of local heroes were decorated with flowers. Some native cultures had similar days of remembrance long before that. Then, during the American Civil War, memorial days were celebrated in towns on both sides of the conflict. While the last Monday in May was first chosen as Memorial Day in 1868, it wasn't until 1971 that it officially became a national holiday to honor those who have died in our nation's service.

If you missed taking time with your family this Memorial Day to talk about friends and family who died serving our country, you don't have to wait until next year. Instead, do as the ancient Greeks did and choose a day, any day, when you can gather to talk and remember. Both you and the younger members of your family might just find something worth keeping.

Finding Your Passion

I'm often asked how I can find enough words to write a book. The thought of writing 70,000+ words is intimidating to many but for me it is as easy as breathing (well, almost). I speak regularly at writer's conferences and find so many "writers" agonize through the entire process. They are miserable. My thought here is if writing is so difficult, why do it? Maybe there is a better way to express yourself.

I understand the need to create, the compulsion to express, the fact that you have something to say. But this does not have to involve words. The creative process should be fun. It should refresh your heart and soul. It should be energizing. And there are so many ways other than writing to be expressive and creative. There is quilting, scrapbooking, music, art, crafting, dance, acting, speaking and a host of other activities that could be better suited to you than writing.

I love horses and I love to write about them and horse people. I especially enjoy being around books and writers, but if the writing process is not enjoyable for you, consider another activity. Life is short, but a creative effort can last forever--especially if it was created with happiness and love.

Winter Weather

Winter weather can be an adventure. While in Minnesota for the holidays we went from snow to wind chills of 40 below and colder, to more show, then (amazingly) 40 above, then rain, then ice, then snow, then more below zero temperatures. It can make travel iffy but you quickly learn to plan activities around the weather. When traveling by air, however, you are at the complete mercy of Mother Nature.

Just after the first of the year I flew from Nashville to Seattle. Or that was the plan. I was going to stay on Bainbridge Island for a week or so to work on a book. All was well until our plane neared Washington state and we learned that Seattle was having so much wind and snow that dozens of planes were already circling the airport waiting out the weather before they could land. Our plane had originated in San Antonio and had then stopped in Dallas and Birmingham before I boarded in Nashville. We did not have enough fuel to circle so we landed instead in Spokane. Lots of snow there, too. It was about 8:30 p.m. when we got to the gate and it was decided that, as it would be at least a few hours, that we could get of the plane and wander the airport for a while. That was wonderful except that none of the shops or restaurants were open and after just a handful of peanuts and a four hour flight, most of us were hungry. Imagine close to 700 stranded people from three different planes who were all starving and cranky.

As we were the third plane to land to wait out the storm, we were supposed to be the third plane out. But, as our flight crew was quickly running out of working hours, it was determined that if we didn't leave first, that our crew would have to be replaced. And, as there wasn't another full crew anywhere close to Spokane we'd end up delayed even longer. So we all got back on the plane (which was completely full) and flew to Seattle.

We were able to land fairly quickly but as all the planes that had been delayed by the storm were now at the gates, we had to sit on the tarmac for about 45 minutes. That made some people very angry, including a man sitting behind me who began loudly berating babies, fat people, airlines, businesses in general, and the government. As no one seemed to be listening to him he called his girlfriend and repeated the litany to her just as loudly and she did the right thing and promptly hung up. Well, this angered him further so he began cussing all of the above and added his now ex-girlfriend to the list. Flight attendants finally converged upon him and escorted him to the back of the plane where he sat out the remaining wait in the rear jump seat guarded by a male flight attendant.

A gate eventually was cleared for us but the 45 minute wait with the engines running had melted all the snow around our plane to ice and we were now stuck, so the pilot called for a tow vehicle. This created another 15 minute wait but we did get our plane towed to a gate. Now the problem was with the baggage handlers who were quite overwhelmed with all baggage from all the planes that had landed virtually at once. The 52 minute wait for my luggage was not too bad. At least I was out of the cramped seat and actually standing up.

By this time it was almost 1:00 a.m. To get to Bainbridge Island I had to take a 30 minute cab ride to the ferry and the last ferry was scheduled to leave at 2:10 a.m. So I hurried to the cab stand to find I was the 208th person in line. And, as most of the people in line were students returning from break, or military personnel headed to base, no one else seemed to be heading to the ferry. Rather than get stranded at the ferry station, my wonderful literary agent found a hotel room for me for the night and I ended up on the island the next afternoon.

I mention all this because, although I was very tired from all the delays, what could have been a horrible trip, had some unexpected perks. I met some great people, including a number of students who were excited about entering the job market and making a difference in our world. There were some very capable young military men who led me to believe we are very safe in their hands. I met several business people who were working on exciting new ideas in technology, science, teaching and medicine. So instead of being angry about delays that I could not control, I came away from the experience excited about the many people who are all working in their own small way to make our country and our world a better place. So next time you are delayed in your travels I hope you will take time to reach out to those around you. Get to know them and hopefully you will be as encouraged about life and our country as I was.

Books and Movies

It's not everyday a book you authored, or in this case, co-authored, gets turned into a movie. But recently that became a reality for me. The response to the Front of the Class movie that aired on CBS on Dec. 7 as a Hallmark Hall of Fame presentation has been overwhelming. As co-author of the book, my part in this was very small. However, I still received over 900 movie related emails and my web site was inundated with hits. It is very gratifying to know that the words Brad Cohen and I wrote about his inspiring life have touched and motivated so many people. It really is a wonderful feeling to know you made a positive difference in someone's life. Close to twelve million people watched the movie and I am sure many more will learn about Brad's wonderful message when the movie is rerun.

This is all importance for several reasons. 1) Brad is the kind of guy who believes his cup is overflowing, even though he has Tourette syndrome. In Brad’s words, never give up on your dream, no matter what, because if his dreams can come true, then yours can, too. 2) There were a lot of people who worked hard to make first the book, and now the movie, a success. So gathering a great team of people around you for support is important, no matter what your goals. 3) Never compromise on quality. Everything about Front of the Class, book and movie, has been first class, and I know everyone who has worked on the book or the movie is proud of their contribution.

The Book Tour

A lot of people have asked what it is like being out on the road promoting a book. This might give you an idea:

Phone alarm rings at 5:00 a.m.
Spend three minutes trying to answer my shoe.
Throw shoe across room. Find phone. Turn alarm off.
Can’t remember where I am.
Have been in Birmingham, Houston, Dallas and Ft. Worth in the past three days.
Look at décor of room. Got it. Graham, Texas. Small town. Gave horse clinic yesterday.
Have 9:40 a.m. flight to Nashville. Airport more than two hours away.
Dress in business suit for author reception at book festival in Nashville later.
Can’t find shoe. At last locate it in wastebasket.
Stumble to very dark parking lot. Can’t remember where I parked truck.
Wander around in the dark. Trip over suitcase I left in middle of parking lot.
Land on tail bone and remember I am driving a rental.
Realize I am lying next to it, a black PT Cruiser.
Load luggage. Can’t figure out how to turn on headlights.
Oops, that’s the horn. Okay, got it.
Drive behind terminally slow trucks for first hour on two lane road on way to Love Field in Dallas.
Can’t remember how to get back to rental car lot.
Look for address on rental agreement.
Can’t find rental agreement.
Think booking agent might have it back in Graham.
Call agent at hotel and leave message.
See signs for airport.
Call agent again. Leave another message.
Call 411 for local rental info and get connected to national office.
National office can’t give directions or local number without rental agreement number.
Stop at convenience store to ask directions.
Witness robbery at convenience store. Probably not the best neighborhood.
Look at watch.
Flight leaves in less than an hour.
Go in and ask directions anyway.
Apparently no one speaks English here.
Drive around progressively worse neighborhood. Roll up windows.
Find kid on bike.
Give him a dollar to lead me to rental car office.
Office doesn’t want to take car back without lease agreement.
Finally get to airport. Sail through security. Amazing.
Get to gate 87 seconds before departure. Plenty of time.
Agent calls. Has lease agreement number.
Fall asleep on plane.
Wake up to realize I am snoring. Loudly.
Go back to sleep.
Wake up again. Find I have drooled down the front of my business suit.
Land in Nashville.
Stop by security on off chance someone turned in the watch I left in the security tray on my way out of Nashville three days prior.
Told to wait by post.
Fall asleep leaning against post.
Awake to hear whispers from people who apparently saw Channel 4 segment on my new book that aired while I was out of town.
“That is too her.”
I open one eye to look at them and they scurry off.
Miraculously, security agent arrives with watch.
WooHoo!
Get on shuttle to long term parking.
Can’t remember where truck is parked. Do realize I am looking for truck, not rental car.
Nice shuttle driver drives me all over lot.
Forty minutes later we find truck.
I thank driver with a hug.
Load luggage in truck. Truck will not start.
Use emergency call box at shuttle stop.
Look at watch.
One hour to author reception.
Try to repair hair, drool and makeup while waiting for help.
Nice man arrives with jumper cables.
Truck starts.
Head to author reception.
Late. Can’t find parking spot.
Wedge truck between a pillar and a Hummer.
Can’t get doors open.
Squeeze out back window.
Think positive thoughts as I walk four blocks to reception.
Take lots of deep breaths. Someone asks if I am hyperventilating.
Find reception.
Food is great! Meet several wonderful people.
Head home to start all over again the next day.

Best Laid Plans

I had plans for last week, work I was going to get done and friends I was going to see. Then my son had a car accident and everything changed. While he was not at fault and he generally was okay, his car was totaled. There was the towing company to deal with. And the insurance, both ours and the man who was at fault. Then there was the car rental company, medical appointments, and more insurance.

Something had to give and it was my original plans for the week. But you know what? It didn't matter. Sometimes you know what you have to do and it isn't at all what you thought you had to do. Especially when horses or kids are involved, life can change on the drop of a dime. We find ourselves operating on their time frame, not ours, and that isn't always a bad thing.

That's why when, four days after my son's accident, a car I was riding in was rear ended, it was okay. Yes, I had pressing job and career things to do, but you realize quickly that nothing in more important than your health. So if I am a little slower in meeting deadlines, it is because I am taking care of my stiff neck and back. That way I will be back to full strength sooner and can again work to full capacity.

When you have one of those instinctive moments, when you suddenly know your plans have to change, right now, I hope you will go with the flow and take care of the truly important things in life.

Adversity

Whether it is financial or health, I know several people who are going through some really hard times right now. You probably do as well. I find it interesting that some people come out of times like these stronger and better, while others seem to disintegrate under such pressure. Whenever adversity strikes me I try to stay positive and the following quotes sometimes help me. So I am posting them here, so that you may draw strength from them as well:

"Life is a continuous exercise in creative problem solving." Michael J. Gelb

"Life is either an adventure, or nothing." Helen Keller

"Expect the best, plan for the worst, and prepare to be surprised." Dennis Waitley

"The harder you work, the luckier you get." Gary Player

"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking." J.C. Watts

These and other favorite quotes of mine can be found in my book Success Within: How to Create the Greatest Moments of Your Life.

A horse I know recently had a health scare. She had to be confined to her stall for several days when she would much rather have been out with her friends in her pasture. And when this horse is not happy, she makes her feelings quite known. She will pin her ears, shake her head, bump up against her leader, etc. But although she was not happy, during this time, she was very cooperative. She knew the people around her were helping her and she did her best to help them help her.

This, to me, is handling adversity well. This little horse is one of the ones whom life's challenges makes better. It might not be a fun process, but you know better things await, so you do your best. And as long as you know in your heart that you are doing everything possible to make the situation better, you can feel good in knowing that in this particular situation, you were the best you that you could be.

Balance

Like a lot of people, I struggle with balance. Not the physical kind, but the kind that means taking time for yourself. When I get involved in a project, I eat, live and breathe is until it is done, so I have to force myself to take a walk, weed the garden, or play with the dog. These are all things I like to do, so it seems odd even to me that I have to force myself at certain times to fit it all in. Here's an idea I give to my clients that I realize I need to use myself:

Allot a certain amount of time each day for certain tasks. If I can only spend three hours on a project, then I quit when three hours are up and decide to feel glad for the amount of work that I got done. That way, for example, I can take 30 minutes to walk, 20 minutes to weed and 15 minutes to play.

For those of you with horses, this idea works better when you are not working with horses than when you are. That's because when a horse is involved, you have to work at least partially on the horse's time frame. If you want to work on bending, you are only going to get as much done as the horse is capable of. His expectations and yours may be completely different, so you are only going to go as fast or as slow as your equine partner will allow you to go.

So my goal for today is to balance productivity with realistic time frames for everything I do.

For more on these ideas, check out the books section of my web site.

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog! I am a person who wears many hats, but most of my activities fall into the category of horses and personal success. I've been around horses all my life and still find it amazing how learning about horses can teach you about getting along with people. So if you are not a horse person but still want to improve your life, there is something here for you, too. For more of an introduction to me, my books and DVDs, and my speaking dates, check out my web site at

www.lisawysocky.com

or sign up for my monthly newsletter by sending an email to

lisainfo@comcast.net

You know, every day I choose the one thing for which I am most grateful and today it is the amount of quality work that has been coming to me lately. Many people know me as an equine trainer, riding instructor and clinician, and as a speaker for corporations and associations, but I also am a book editor. Recently I have been able to work with several up-and-coming authors and am so excited about their projects. It is premature for me to mention who they are, but at the appropriate time I will. I am finding great new friendships in these authors, and that is always exciting.

On the horse front, the other day I watched a horse roll. It is something I have observed many times, but this time I was struck by the total abandon in which horses roll in the dirt. Horses are completely unselfconscious when rolling, giving themselves into the moment and enjoying the experience thoroughly. How often do we humans take a moment like that for ourselves? So that's my goal for today, to take a few minutes to do something completely unexpected and fun, and to enjoy the process thoroughly.