Friday, May 4, 2012

Fan Mail and Email

I am starting to get a lot of fan mail and I have discovered that it might not be what you think. Here are a few samples from the last few months. Enjoy!

Dear Lisa,
Just because you have 746 “friends” on Facebook and I don’t does not mean you are a good writer. Thought you should know that.

Dear Reader: Gee, thanks for the heads-up.

Dear Lisa,

You are such a great writer but, can you write sadder books? Just go with anything from your sad place. My husband left me and I don’t want to read any books that are fun or funny. Well, he wasn’t really my husband. He was a Louie, but he still left me.

Dear Reader: Um . . . have you tried counseling?

Dear Cat,

The exact same thing happened to me that happened to you! OMG! How did you no that? How did you know enough about ME to live MY life? Only it wasn’t my neighbor that got kilt and my friends didn’t help me. And I don’t live in Tennessee. I also don't I drive a truck. So you got a lot of it VERY wrong!!!  I didn’t even know the person who was murdered. I just red about it in the paper.

Dear Reader: You do understand that Cat is a fictional character? You should also know that fictional characters often don’t respond when you write to them.

Dear Laura,

I love your books. I love that you are such a fabulous writer. I love that you trail ride to the beach, and I love the photo of you riding a palomino on your back cover. And I especially love your book that had the barn fire in it.

Dear Reader: I love the fact that you meant to write to Laura Crum but sent it to me instead. Thanks!

Dear Lisa,

Please send me a signed copy of your book. But don’t sign it to me. Sign it to my wife. Her birthday is next week. If you send me the book then I don’t have to shell out any dough for a gift.

Dear Reader: Here’s a hint:

Dear Lisa,

I can’t remember why I wanted to write to you so forget I even sent this email to you. Yeah, just forget it.

Dear Reader: Oh yeah. Forgotten. Totally forgotten.

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